Confessions of an Office Dog

9:00 AM Arrive at Office with Andrew; we carpool. Slowly ascend two flights of stairs with crippling fear. Have yet to figure out why humans build vertically.

9:05 AM Conduct a quick sweep of the office floor for any minor hazards or food left behind. Remember to pay extra special attention to the desk where Carlos sits, as he leaves the most behind.

9:07 AM SUCCESS. Sustenance found. Also I think I ate a rock.

9:12 AM All my co-workers begin to arrive. Greet everyone who walks in the door by running and jumping on them. Sometimes I lick their hands, sometimes it’s just a quick sniff…depends on what mood I’m in.

9:30 AM Morning meeting commences. This is where everyone sits together and takes turns petting me, more than likely talking about how luxurious and shiny my beautiful coat of fur is.

09:36 AM I want to lay on the couch but no one is making room. Must employ tactic #1, gaze into their eyes pleadingly until one of them scoots over.

09:38 AM Everyone is ignoring me. WTF. Time to start licking for attention.

09:40 AM Finally grab the attention of Peter, who allows me to hop up next to him. I wiggle in and prepare to hunker down. Peter is so gullible, always gives me what I want.

09:42 AM OK, please stop petting me, I’m trying to take a short nap. Don’t make me fart.

10:03 AM Meeting ends. Now everyone wants to pet me!

10:07 AM Now they’re using their hands on my head to make funny faces. Today it’s V for Vendetta?

11:18 AM Hear bags rustling from the kitchen, like someone is opening food. MUST INVESTIGATE.

11:19 AM Ugh. Veggie Chips. Oh well…

11:21 AM Actually, wait. These Veggie Chips are actually good. And crunchy. Reminds me of rabbit ribs.

11:46 AM Lay down, but this time under that chair over there.

12:45-1:45 Beg/attack everyone as they leave/arrive from lunch.

1:48 PM Make a lap around the office, just to get a little exercise in. Weave in and out of the office chairs and under the desks like I’m in training for the Westminster Dog Invitational, my invitation should be arriving any day now…

2:36 PM Lay down on the floor next to Jon and Bee.

2:59 PM Bee tries to pick me up and hold me like a baby. I try to escape but her arms are slowly encompassing me like a fleshy straight jacket. Start plotting my revenge for this humiliating act.

3:24 PM I’m going to go lay by the front door this time, see if any strangers dare enter my domain!

3:45 PM Yes, someone is walking up I can hear them! Almost up the steps, almost at the door, who is it who is it…. Oh. It’s Andrew.

4:26 PM Time for my afternoon walk. Andrew and I go outside for a nice stroll of the office parking lot. Popped a squat on the grass. Such a great day at the office.

4:53 PM OH great the stairs again.

4:56 PM Nap Time!

6:21 PM Seems like everyone’s starting to head out. Andrew finishes up on work, hooks me up on the leash and call it a day!